Work+Shop+Project+6

 On the outside all you see is my appearance a dark-skinned black girl. My expression towards a certain subject in which my think aloud makes me ghetto, loud, and rude. And you see my actions such as the way I talk “like a proper black person”. These are only some of the thoughts that run through the minds those out there in the world. My friends see me as crazy and goofy because of the random things that I say. My family sees me as mean and sarcastic because I always look upset and that I speak with no enthusiasm. To be honest I really don’t know how strangers view me… on a bus or train I am probably seen as some random girl taking up space (especially on a crowded one). In a classroom setting I am seen as the quiet kid that’s smart and gets good grades because “I never really talk to anyone” or I am told “I never really see you get in trouble” but mainly because when I am the first one done with an assignment or I answer a question right I am automatically thought of as the person to go to for help. When I’m walking past a group of people all eyes are on me… I feel the eyes of these people as they look me up and down. I hear the thoughts building up in their minds like a construction site. Once I am out of their circle I know that the words about me instantly leave their mouth… “She needs to do something with that head of hers”. When I am walking down the street someone always says “why aint you smiling girl?” or “smile pretty girl”. At a clothing store I am already judged because of my skin color. “Can I help you with anything?” the question that is always asked, but really represents “what do you want nigger?” living in a stereotypical world gets you nowhere. The longer I am in the store the longer I am hassled. In a restaurant I am served last. “Here comes the black people… make sure you give them bad service.” When I am on an interview I am probably not considered for the job, even if I was the perfect candidate… she fits all the requirements, but we have enough blacks working for us… let’s choose this white person instead. When I walk into a museum it’s like I’m walking into nothing but questions full of judgment. What is she doing here? Does she even know about any of this? And when proven wrong the comment “she is a black girl that thinks she knows everything” is made. When I sit down next to a person “why does she have to sit next to me?” pops into their head. When I answer a question wrong or I am confused about something I am considered dumb. Walking down the hallway “look at the way she walks.” Every thought and every comment made is something I can’t get away from (it’s an ongoing cycle). When my music is blasting though my headphones I am considered ignorant. Where ever I visit city, state, country I am seen as an outcast intruding their land. If I’m listing to something other than hip-hop and R&B I am trying to be white. The views of my peers and those around me are worn like a heavy fur coat that I wear all year round. When hearing these thought makes me sometime wish for a change, and hope that I was invisible to others. This also makes me think “will there ever be a day where you won’t have to feel all eyes on you?” or stereotyped because of the color of your skin. Will anyone ever be accepted? I am always told to not worry about what anyone thinks because I have something that they don’t, but when these thoughts and words are flung at you what should you do then? How will I be able to keep protecting myself from the wrath of others when it unavoidable? If the world was filled with nothing but words of encouragement would anyone get tired of hearing it? As I said before I don’t know how strangers view me, and these thoughts that I came up with in my head may be ridiculous but what can I do about it when it’s the truth? It’s funny because they say it’s good to just observe your surroundings, but what people fail to realize is that the ones who are quiet are the ones who become most targeted. The views and opinions of the world is like a disease you can’t get rid of, or an itch you can’t starch. I can’t really say all thoughts are bad because sometimes I get really nice comments on the things I wear and my hair (when it’s done). There are days when good views come my way and then there are days when nothing but negativity surrounds me. In the end I am seen as a friend because I am always with a friend, a sister because I have siblings, a enemy because of those who don’t like me, a student because I attend school, a daughter because I had parents, and a stranger because most people don’t know me.      Life for me is like a movie… funny, dramatic, scary, and full of suspense. When asked the question “how do you view yourself?” my overall thought is “I’m just walking without being lead”. The words of Kid Cudi come to mind because I can relate to a lot of what he says, and always just go with the flow… I walk my own path. At times dark and tormented thoughts run through my brain when I’m alone in my room (which I consider my sanctuary). It is where I am at peace and it gives me time to reflect on everything. I am oblivious to what real world is because everyone tells me something different about it. This makes me create a world of my own of my own. A place filled with peace, love happiness, and laughter. A place where it’s always warm and no troubles can get to you. But once I walk out my door I step back into reality. I’m back in the hard cold world I was left in with the desperation of wanting to get out, and try to erase the question “why me?” out of my brain. Every time I close my eyes I go deep into thought. I like to think that I’m a kid with creativity and potential with a mind full of dreams. But in reality I’m a kid with a heavy heart and hurt soul. I dream about making it and being on my own, and I feel as if I was put on earth to create good and be something big. My future goal is to become a psychologist with an experience of digital video production, and photography. When I dream I see myself in a happy place surrounded by family and friends. Everywhere I go and who ever I’m around I watch my surroundings because this lets me know when to interact and when not to. I guess I do it because it feels as if it’s the right thing to do… I use my intellectual thoughts keep me out of trouble. Sometimes I wish I could be a super hero that didn’t have to solve crimes. It would be awesome if I had super hero qualities, but didn’t have to save anyone. I know that I’m only a teenager but I take on a great deal of responsibility and if feels like chunks get taking out of me day by day. When I look in the mirror I see me… my reflection and how I have came a long way. When comparing myself to an animal I am most like an elephant because I have an old sprit and I am strong at mind. At school is where I work hardest because without my education I would be nowhere… I know that wasting away is something my parents wouldn’t want for me, so therefore getting good grades and furthering my education is my top priority. And when I do well I know that they are proud of what I’ve become. Every day I find out something new about myself, so I can’t really sum up my life in so many little words because I have yet to live… I am still in the beginning stage in my life.